Day 2
Yesterday I registered on this forum. I shared some background on myself as a gambler and commented on a few others post to become active within the community. Well that led me to want to put myself on poker stars self exclusion list so I can deposit no longer ( yes I play live and online terrible I know) So I signed on and thought it was no money in my account and I would just put myself on the self exclusion list but it was money available $25.76 left from a $250.00 deposit I made a day or two prior. The first thing I did was look to see what tourneys were available and long behold a $5.00 $500gtd was running. I registered sat down with 10000 in chips and felt DISGUSTED. I said to myself what's the point even if I win this tourney I'll be trapped and that's not the goal we want to be bet free and debt free so I dumped it very next hand on purpose and I was out but what came next was something I never did before. I was back in the poker stars lobby and the balance was $20.76. I said **** this I'm withdrawing this lousy 20 bucks and went and got my account number and routing number and punched it in and WITHDREW the funds then went straight to the self exclusion press the button. Felt AWESOME! but what is so big about this to me is I've been playing online for 2yrs and I was always to lazy to just get the damn account information out of my folder so I could do a withdrawal the only time I ever withdraw was when I'm over 1k and would drive all the way to Atlantic City so I could withdraw from the cage and just go play live. Later in the evening I had a urge to gamble in my brain well maybe not a urge but gambling thoughts were coming in and out but what was weird I felt in my heart I didn't want to gamble and I didn't even like gambling because it has destroyed me. I didn't gamble I just walked around the corner to my friends house all my compadres were outside I grabbed a brew and we just started having a good time talking, joking, laughing and I even shared with them I am really trying to tackle this problem seriously this time. My friends have heard it all before but they were very supportive and that made me feel happy as well. Long story short I went home eat a pot pie, did NOT gamble, went to sleep, woke up with Money and hey I even have $20.76 extra on the way lol.
Jul 19, 2017 During my many failed attempts at recovery I found one of the hardest parts of abstinence was managing my life after gambling. Being a compulsive gambler became such an engrained part of who I was walking away felt like mourning the death of an old friend. Effects of Problem Gambling on the Gambler. Problem Gambling can have a serious impact on the physical, emotional, and financial health of individuals who gamble, as well as their families. Why Can't I Just Stop? How did this happen? I can't believe all the trouble I'm in. If I stop gambling now, I'll have to admit I'm a total loser.
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